New Board Policy

In a sudden move, Hillsborough Board Chair Carol Kurdell announced that “tweeting” will no longer be tolerated during meetings.

Said Kurdell, “We have two members who text each other furiously during every board meeting. Their hands are always in their laps. At first I thought there was something happening of a sexual nature. But I was mistaken. On closer observation, what appeared to be long lavender "devices" were actually new Blackberries.”

Kurdell went on to say that the Board takes Government in the Sunshine violations seriously. We don’t want to appear as incompetent as the boards for the Sports Authority or the Zoo.

The two Board mavericks immediately expressed their outrage. “She is curtailing my free speech rights,” April Griffin is quoted as saying. “Our board meetings last through dinner time and I sometimes need to help my husband with recipes.”

Susan Valdes was even more adamant. “I’m a constitutional officer and if this Board thinks it can stop my constitutional right to communicate with my constituents, it is sadly mistaken.” When a reporter asked when she actually read the constitution, Valdes replied that she would do so this evening.

Both Griffin and Valdes deny violating the letter or spirit of Florida’s Sunshine Laws, though each admitted to texting each other occasionally about bowling scores.

When asked for comment, Dr. Jack Lamb thought the new texting policy useful. “Though my fingers are too stubby to text message anyone, I can see where that kind of activity could be considered disturbing. As a matter of fact, I seldom call anyone either. I just can’t push those little cell phone buttons.”

In other District business, Board attorney Tom Gonzalez ruled today that gadfly Lee Decesare can be removed from the room if she again displays a hard nipple through her blouse during her bi-monthly three-minute rant. Decesare countered by saying that if she can’t show nips, Susan Valdes can’t show cleavage.

posted by admin @ 11:35 AM